a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
