i jhust puked up my retainher.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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