Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
