I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
