Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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