Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Damn victory sex feels great
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
