How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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