i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
