there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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