Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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