What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I can't trust your balls anymore.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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