My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I puked a lego.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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