i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
