vagina is talking i cant
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
