I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
