Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
