So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How does one acquire holy water?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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