Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
