Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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