There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
