Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
