he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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