awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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