Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
