just tell him i said nine months
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
