dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
