i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
