she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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