There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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