So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
