Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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