Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
