im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
