Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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