I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
