After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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