I just saw a hot homeless man
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
