I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
that's an acceptable place to lick
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
