also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
