Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
