NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
