he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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