you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
a search helicopter?!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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