you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
