im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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