He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
