Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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