So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Rumble strips road head = magical
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize