Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
