I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
