Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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