i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
