Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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