Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
splinters make it hard to masturbate
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize