loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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