Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
