also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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