remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
