I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
