Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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