the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
