There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
