If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
