He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
