As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
